if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
