He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
