I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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