Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize