using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
