a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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