"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
