i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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