I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
