Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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