If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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