Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
