guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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