Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
