if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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