we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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