My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
