why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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