I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
