Where is the hickey?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
