Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
