I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Enjoy the penises
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
