I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm too high and old for this...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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