I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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