Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
