Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
