Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
