I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
