She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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