Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
