Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
