i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
