The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
