i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
