last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize