Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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