I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
