Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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