Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
