i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
