Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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