so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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