wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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