watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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