just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
