I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
