I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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