omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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