Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
