His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
