You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
