holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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