My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
