he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
