yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
