im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
