So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
