We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
