Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
