Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize