She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
