Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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