You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
