I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize