Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
