If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
