i already hear my dad disowning me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
