Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
