please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
