I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize