Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize