Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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