Already got asked if we're dating
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
