no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
