I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
